C.M.O.T Dibbler
Dibbler is the purveyor of absolutely anything that can be sold hurriedly from an open suitcase in a busy street. He likes to describe himself as a merchant adventurer; every- one else likes to describe him as an itinerant pedlar whose money-making schemes are always let down by some small but vital flaw, such as trying to sell things he doesn't own or that don't work or, sometimes, don't even exist. Quite often they describe him as someone they would like to catch up with.
He is not, strictly speaking, a criminal.
In his natural state - i.e., when not inspired to take advantage of some passing fad or problem in Ankh-Morpork - Dibbler sells meat pies and sausages-in-a-bun from a tray around his neck or, when funds permit, a barrow. There is no need to describe these items, even as food. Dibbler takes the view that anything that has at any time been any part of a pig, or even near a pig, or possibly even within earshot of a pig, can be called pork. His guiding principle is that with enough mustard people will cat anything (his brief foray into ethnic food for trolls, a silicareous species, proved that Dibbler was even capable of finding stale rock).
He is skinny, and when regarding him people are moved to recall that humans have some
kind of small rodent somewhere in their ancestry. He speaks very quickly, with many a
sidelong glance, and usually wears a huge overcoat, full of pockets, none of which have
exact change. He is known to have premises in a cellar near the SHADES in
Ankh-Morpork. No one knows where he actually lives. Since going to sleep might involve
missing a wonderful business opportunity he possibly never does so.
Dibbler is also the seller of mail-order lessons on the Path of the Scorpion, a self-defence system, under the name of Grand Master Lobsang Dibbler. He also served short stints as moving pictures mogul and music industry promoter, two occupations that came as near to suiting his peculiar talents as any he has ever tried.
He feels that it is not his fault that perfectly sound business propositions have a habit of exploding or tasting awful.