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| Tuesday, 30 October 2001 |
Noodles |
| 7:17 pm |
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| Imagine
this: You're sitting with maximum tranquility in some remote field
when suddenly an enormous earthworm erupts from the ground and starts
devouring the sheep.
Shit.. just managed to boil some noodles dry. Bugger.
I must be hungry, these overboiled, rather mushy noodles don't
taste all that bad realy.
I know what's going on, the images of giant earthworms eating
sheep must have been my subconcious telling me that the noodles
had been boiling for far too long. As everyone knows, the longer
you boil a noodle the fatter and more mushy it becomes. What about
the sheep? Well in truth I lied about the sheep, I was thinking
of the earthworm attempting to eat your legs off, but thought sheep
munching images were a little less disturbed. Don't want people
thinking i'm disturbed now do I? :)
How wierd. The dried out noodle water has formed some kind of
celophane like paper around the edge of the pot. I'm eating this
stuff too.
Hang on a moment!!! I don't have to eat this crud! I've got chocolate
cake in the fridge!!!
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| 9:17 am |
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The whole fabric of the space time continuum is being killed by a falling coconut.
I promised myself I'd somehow integrate those two statements into this rather
fatal attempt at blogging.
Doh, the stuff which buys the beer
Ray, the guy who serves the beer
Me, the guy who drinks the beer
Far, Fark I want another beer
So, so how about a beer?
La, la-la la-la-la Beer!
Tea, I'd rather have a beer
And that gets us rather drunk-unk-unk-unk.
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| Friday, 26 October 2001 |
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| 7:34 pm |
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| 9:49 am |
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| Thursday, 25 October 2001 |
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| 11:53 pm |
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| 3:43 pm |
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Hurrah!
I've finally done it, bought a digital camera! Here's the first few
pictures I managed to snap before the slightly charged batery ran
flat. More puppy pics tomorow!
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| Wednesday, 24 October 2001 |
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| 5:07 pm |
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I think my next door neighbour's teenager must actualy be a gibbon. He keeps
running around the house, thundering and screeching in an incredably
gibbon-like way. Him and his mates have the dodgiest of dodgy cars, and they
keep parking in front of my house.
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| 9:56 am |
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*Yuck*.
I just discovered a short piece of thread hanging from daisy's mouth. I
pulled on it and a half meter of cotton came out.
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| Tuesday, 23 October 2001 |
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| 10:53 am |
Topic #3: Zeno's Lethargy |
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Zeno's hypothosis shows that all motion is impossible, as the number of
smaller subspaces between here and there is infinite, so it takes an infinite
length of time to transverse any distance.
Achillies, a swift and surley fellow, once decided to spear himself a tortise
so he could eat it for his dinner. Achillies raised his migty arm, let fly with
his spear, and threw it at the tortise. In no time at all, the spear had got
to the point where the tortise was when Achillies threw the spear, but by the
time this happened, the tortise had moved forward a fraction. In another short
instant, the spear had now reached the new position of the tortise, but again
the tortise had moved. This state of affairs continued indefinatly, with
Achillies getting hungrier, but the spear never quite reaching the tortise.
This is the first part of Zeno's hypothesis, you can't ever catch an object
which is moving away from you, every time you get to where it was the object
has moved.
Unfortunatly for Achilies, this wasn't the only way that Zeno had foiled his
dinner plans. Eventualy the tortise got tired and sat down for a rest. The spear
of course was still in flight, just a short way behind. In order to reach the
tortise, the spear must cross a point which is halfway itself and the tortise,
and to reach that point it must cross a point which is a quater of the way,
and to reach a quater, it must reach an eighth of the way, and to reach an
eighth, it must first reach a sixteenth. In fact there are infinitly many smaller
spaces to cross before reaching the now stationary tortise, so it is not possible
for the spear to make any forward motion at all.
Zeno's lethargy is like the last of these paradoxes. You lie there, you fall
asleep a little, then a little more, and a bit more, but never quite get to
sleep because there's infinitley many degrees of conciousness between fully
awake and fully asleep.
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| Monday, 22 October 2001 |
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| 12:02 pm |
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| Saturday, 20 October 2001 |
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| 12:05 am |
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The KGB have invaded, they are letting off firecrackers. It's raining a sudden
storm of teacups. I just discovered a large cockroach dead, upside down, in
my bathroom.
Which of the above sentences is not like the other?
I hate roaches. I've never had them in my house until I moved here. I think they
have set up some horible nexus in my bathroom, I seem to keep finding them there.
Then again, maybe there's somthing even more horible in the bathroom that's
killing them.
Daisy ate a moth this evening. She told me it was a bit funny tasting, but on the
whole it was better than woodchips out of the garden, or the varnish on my table.
I'm thinking I might get her some soft toy and boil it in chicken stock for a
good taste. Then again, the stock might start to decay and become fetid. I wonder
if the flavour sachets you get with chicken noodles are biodegradable? It
wouldn't be particularly suprising if they weren't.
They were selling pig's ears in the pet store when I went in there a while ago,
although I can imagine it would be a pretty gross thing to find inside the house.
Maybe I'll just start growing bamboo. Never run out of stuff to chew on then.
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| Friday, 19 October 2001 |
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| 10:06 am |
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Whoa.. It's been over a month since I did any random blogging! Maybe I should
just delete the sidebar, replace it with somthing more high class, more (just
pretend I've used some poofy french word in here which means super mega poofy
or whatever, I'll just make one up... Brotecur. Probably has the same effect
anyhow, I'm sure most of the readers don't know French anyhow, and wouldn't
know a speccy poofy french word from one consisting pureley of a male cow's
elimination. Anyhow I digress) - yes much more that.
So, this is it. If I get any fan mail in the next week about random blogging
then I'll go back to it, otherwise that sidebar will go to the big bit bucket
in the sky.
Do bits have heaven? Do they have hell? I suppose heaven for a bit would be
somewhere where they're always on. Of course having a bit which is always
on is pretty stupid, you can't transmit any kind of information. Maybe they
don't bother with information in bit heaven, they just sit around being
unitary...
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| 9:46 am |
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Ok, I know everyone under the sun has done this for a topic, but here's some
of the great google searches which feature me:
- how to snort prozak
- melbourne geek blog
- "My Highland Goat"
- Kyile Minouge (with special thanks to misspelling, get a few hits for that one)
- fetish cartoons chris
- toe tickling
- kangaroo costume
- laugh helpline
- dream dictionary having someone cut your hair while you are sleeping
- multiple myoloma (another spelling error with lots of hits)
- rick astley sleeping
- blowing nose wav file
- coffie tables (only for au tho)
- syphilis helpline australia (oh gawd!!)
- horny slut melbourne
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| Thursday, 18 October 2001 |
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| 11:46 pm |
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Top Ten ways to Destroy the Earth.
10. Feed baked beans to the cows and take up smoking.
9. Planetary Ping-Pong.
8. Swarm of godzilla monsters with lithovoric tendencies
(lithovore == rock eating)
7. Become a suicidal solipsist.
6. The PC method: It's not the world, it's ignition chalenged.
Let's let it become a real star.
5. Arnie for President.
4. Everyone, jump in your car and drive east. Eventualy the
earth will stop spinning.
3. Introduce it to Venus, attend the eventual wedding, the alimony setlement will
take 50%.
2. Mills & Boon.
1. Preserve the status quo.
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| Tuesday, 16 October 2001 |
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| 9:05 am |
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The transformers, more than meets the eye. For some reason that little lyric
is on repeat play in my head. How exactly would one meet and eye anyhow? Would
you just sidle up to this enormous floating eyeball, gibbly bits hanging off,
and say - how do you do Mr Eye. How would it communicate back? Maybe you could
invent some kind of language made up of pupil dilations and combinations of
horizontal and vertical flickings. You could use morse code I guess, a vertical
flick for a deet and a horizontal one for a dah.
I wonder if more people understand morse code or sign language? Aparently the
sign language in every country is different, or so a friend was telling me.
I used to see a bunch of deaf kids talking to each other animatedly outside their
school when I was walking to work. Was pretty cool I though. I'd quite like
to learn sign language, would be very useful in some situations, especialy
noisy ones.
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| Monday, 15 October 2001 |
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| 8:41 pm |
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I'm going to spend the next ten minutes on a mental excercise. What exactly
would it feel like to fly. I know it fairly well from my dreams, but what
would it be like in reality? For starters I'd need some fairly radical changes
in body plan.
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| Sunday, 14 October 2001 |
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| 4:27 pm |
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Daisy Dog is learning very quickly. I've already taught her to come when she's
called (most of the time), to fetch (but not drop on return), to sit and to
go to her inside towel on command. There's a faint smell of puppy pervading
certain spots around the house, I think it follows me on my hands. It's not
unpleasant, quite sweet realy.
She didn't cry at all last night, although she did manage to escape at some
stage during the night. I found her this morning waiting outside the front
gate. She had dug a little escape route underneath the gate down the side
of the house, I filled in the hole and put a brick over the spot so she
won't be able to do that again. I'm glad she didn't go far, I haven't given
her a dog tag yet.
My sister decided to turn up unannounced on friday, with her friend, so her
friend could meet the puppy. I wasn't there, I was out playing badminton.
While my sister was playing with Daisy Dog she peed inside the house for the
first time (apart from on the paper the first night). I wasn't too happy with
my sister, told her that from now on she can't come over without calling first.
I went to go buy a digital camera yesterday, but unfortunatly the shop was
shut so I missed out. Oh well. Will take some pictures soon anyways. Maybe
I'll get back to random blogging again one of these days.
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| Thursday, 11 October 2001 |
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| 9:16 pm |
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| The
new puppy is sooooo cute. She's settled in nicely today, been playing
and sleeping alternately. She's real smart too, she's only 8 weeks
old and she's practically house trained, she asks to go outside when
she wants to and the only time she has wet inside was this morning,
when she was trapped inside and then she did it on the newspaper which
I put there. Smart Puppy!!
She comes and sleeps on my feet when I'm working, and she has
almost learned what she is and isn't allowed to chew on. I just
put her to bed. She cried a little, she doesn't like being alone.
You have to ignore the cries tho or they get the wrong idea. It's
hard.
As soon as I can I'll stick some pictures of her up here, gotta
find my camera first. Maybe it's a good excuse to go buy that digital
camera I've been waiting for an excuse to buy.
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| Wednesday, 10 October 2001 |
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| 11:50 am |
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Well the water is back on. Luckily the landlords were back from their holiday
yesterday or I'd have had to wait until they returned! Anyhow, doing some fencing
and then I'm off to pick up my new puppy!
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| 9:50 am |
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Argh!!!!!!
I was in the shower a short while ago, and just finishing up, when the water
slowed down, and then stopped. "That's Odd" Thought I. I got out, looked out
the front window, and there was some guy fiddling with the water meter. I
got dressed, and went out and asked him what he was doing? Why didn't he
knock? I was having a shower!
"Wait a moment" he said, "just finishing this off". Then he finished, and
explained to me that they had restricted my water supply to 2L per min. Not
enough to shower in. Not enough to wash off a gnat's piss.
Needless to say I'm none too happy. I called up the water people and asked
why, it was due to unpaid bills from before I ever moved in.
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| Thursday, 4 October 2001 |
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| 10:39 am |
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The
common cormorant, or shag,
Lays it's eggs inside a paper bag.
The reason you will see no doubt,
It is to keep the lightning out.
But what these unobservant birds,
Have not noticed, is that heards,
Of wandering bears,
May come with buns,
And steal the bags,
To hold the crumbs.
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| Wednesday, 3 October 2001 |
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| 8:39 pm |
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"What's in the forrest?" Monkeys, trees, and lots of rocks. So it seems...
Sometimes you watch a documentary and the voice over sounds so bored,
so tradgicaly monotone, you just wish the bulldozers would come and blast the
whole damn mess, monkeys, rocks, trees, natives with funny customs, and animals
with people's names, just pick the whole damn mess in their great yellow blades
push it over the edge of the bubbling volcano. Maybe then the voice over would
get excited.
"These forrests do harbour some fantastic animals." Bloody antelopes. Fantastic
when hacked into pieces, stuck on sticks, and eaten. Otherwise about as facinating
as somebody's bus routes, as stunning as a cubic meter of packaging materials.
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help?
