AristophanesÕ
ÒLYSISTRATAÓ
Written in 411BCE
Translated by
George Theodoridis
©2000
The
Characters.
|
Women: |
Men:
|
|
|
|
|
Lysistrata |
Cinesias |
|
Caloniki |
Magistrate |
|
Myrrhini |
Polycharides |
|
Lampito |
Athenian Delegate 2 |
|
Stratyllis (WomenÕs leader) |
Manes (silent) |
|
Nikothiki |
Cinesias baby |
|
Kallyki |
Spartan Herald |
|
Lampito |
Spartan Delegate 1 |
|
Ismenia |
Spartan Delegate 2 |
|
Corinthian whore |
Drakis |
|
Skythian - Female archer/policewoman (silent) |
Philourgos |
|
Other members of StratyllisÕ group |
Phadrias |
|
|
Strynidoros |
|
|
4 Scythian Archers/policemen (silent) |
|
|
Various vagrants (silent) Other members of Drakis group (silent) |
ACT 1
Scene 1
Before
the curtain is raised or on a dimly lit stage where only shadows are visible,
stands the chorus of women.
Sudden
introduction of, violent, disturbing, martial tambourines.
Fade
out: tambourines
Fade
in: passionate pleas by a mix of womenÕs voices, and cries of owls.
WomenÕs
voices:
They
are standing at profile to the audience so that the shadows of their pleading
hands can be accentuated.
Cry, all you mothers! Cry for your Adonis! Cry!
Cry! Adonis! Lament the death of
Adonis! Cry,
cry mothers! Your Adonis is gone! Adonis is gone
for ever! Beautiful to all eyes, Adonis is gone!
Lament his death, mothers of sons!
Angry
Woman 1: within
Tits and clits! Tits and clits!
ThatÕs what all this is about!
ThatÕs all they are ever
after!
Angry
Woman 2: within
That and war!
Angry Woman 3: within
Blood and gore!
Raise
curtains or turn on appropriate stage lights.
Dawn. A public place in Athens at the foot of
the acropolis, the entrance of which is a large gate at
the
centre of the stage. Gate and
Parthenon are prominent. This is where the whole play takes
place. The walls on the inside and on either
side of the gate have parapets where actors will appear
at
various times. Lysistrata is holding an ÒinvitationÓ which she waves about
furiously as she paces
back
and forth. An archer (female
police woman) guides two drunken derelicts through left to right.
Fade out sound of owls. Pause.
Lysistrata:
To the audience
Enter Caloniki
Caloniki:
Hi to you too, Lysistrata! Oh, but look at you, darling! Such frowns, such arrows for
eyebrows!
Not good for you babe. TheyÕre so horribly ugly!
Lysistrata:
IÕm fuming, Caloniki! IÕm boiling
inside. Damned women! Why on earth
do men think weÕre
smart and cunning and capable of anything
and everything?
Caloniki:
Because we are, darling, we definitely
are!
Lysistrata:
But you call them to a meeting, to a
proper meeting, to discuss something of some importance –
none of that obscene and trivial stuff
theyÕre always on about- and where are they? Deaf and
asleep!
Caloniki:
But they have heard you, darling. They have. ItÕs just thatÉ you know how it is. A womanÕs
exit from her abode is very, very
difficult! Some have to go down on their husband, others have
to raise their slave, others still, to put
the baby to sleep, another still has to wash it, feed it, clean
its poopÉ
20
Lysistrata:
There are far more important things to
worry about than all that stuff, Caloniki!
Caloniki:
Well? What is it, darling? What is this thing thatÕs so important,
you had to bring together every
woman in Greece? Is it such a big thing?
Lysistrata:
Huge.
Caloniki:
Oh? And thick?
Lysistrata:
O, itÕs thick, all right!
Caloniki:
Excited at a misconstrued prospect
Well then, where on earth are they all?
Lysistrata: Realises
Caloniki is on the wrong prospect
No, no, itÕs not what youÕre thinking of, my
dear. If it had been that, theyÕd all be well and
truly here by now. No, itÕs something else.
Something thatÕs bothered me for a long time
now. Believe me, IÕve lost a great deal of
sleep, tossing this one over.
Caloniki:
Ah, so, itÕs a very delicate little
thingy, then, this thing youÕve been tossing over?
Lysistrata:
IÕll tell you how delicate a thing it is,
Caloniki! IÕve discovered that the salvation of the whole of
Greece depends upon us, upon our tits and
clits! ThatÕs how delicate a thing it is! Tits and clits!
ThatÕs what itÕs all about!
Caloniki:
Upon our tits and clits? She lifts first one tit then the other as if
to balance them
A delicate little thingy indeed! What a
precarious balancing act!
Lysistrata:
All these awful goings on in our city,
Caloniki! Just think! WeÕll be rid of them all! All of
them... Spartans, the lot!
Caloniki:
Oh, yes, of course! Out with the Spartan
bastards!
Lysistrata:
And of all the Boetians, too.
Caloniki:
Ah, the Boetians! Well, the Boetians
themselves, yes; their delicious eels, though, Lysistrata,
absolutely not!
Lysistrata:
As for Athens, my tongue wonÕt utter a
thing but you get my meaningÉ If
all the women
would gather here, Caloniki, from Boetia,
from Sparta, all of them, believe me - all of us,
together, we can save Greece!
Caloniki:
Us? But my dear, what have we women ever
done thatÕs intelligent or that requires any
skill? We all just sit around on our bums all day long, looking
pretty, begemmed, beflowered
and plastered with make-up, naked under
our see-through saffron gowns and wearing our
cute little Òfuck-me-pleaseÓ slippers!
Lysistrata:
Exactly! ThatÕs exactly the stuff by which
IÕm planning to save Greece, darling!
With the
scents and the make-up and the flowers and
those cute little Òfuck-me-please-IÕm-cuteÓ
slippers and the dainty little see-through
gowns!
Caloniki:
What? What on earth could you achieve with that stuff?
Lysistrata:
Peace, my dear! Peace among men! No longer
will a man thrust his spear against another
man!
Caloniki:
Is that right? Well then, if thatÕs the case IÕm off to powder my nose
right nowÉ
Lysistrata:
Nor will he raise a shield in front of
him...
Caloniki:
MmmÉ and to put on my see-through...
Lysistrata:
Nor will he ever carry a sword...
Caloniki:
Ohhhh! And my cute little Òfuck-me-pleaseÓ
slippers...
Lysistrata:
So! ShouldnÕt all these women have been
here by now?
55
Caloniki:
Definitely. They should all have flown right over!
Lysistrata:
Yea, well, what do you expect? Damned
Athenian women! Always late! Late
for everything.
Damn it! Not even those from the shore!
Caloniki:
Yet I do know that they have hopped off
their cunts early this morning and theyÕre on their way,
theyÕreÉ coming right now, IÕm sure!
Lysistrata:
Grrr! Not even those I thought showed some
real interest in this! TheyÕre not here yet, eitherÉ
God, not even the Acharnians!
Caloniki:
But, darling, even TheagenesÕ wife is
coming. I saw the superstitious
twit visiting HecateÕs
temple before setting offÉ Aha! Here they
all are! I told you! TheyÕre
coming, Lysistrata, all of
them! (Pinches her nose)
Phew! Where on earth are they all from?
Lysistrata:
Bog Burrow! Twenty Ks south of Thebes!
Caloniki:
Phew! Well, then, letÕs not stir them up
any more than we have to, shall we? Pooooh!
Enter
Myrrhini. SheÕs wearing a
beautiful gown with which she is very happy and with which is
often
preoccupied by displaying admiringly at every occasion; so much so that her
words in line
114
have some effect.
69
Myrrhini:
WeÕre not too late, are we Lysistrata? Well, whatÕs up, darling? Speak up, darling!
Lysistrata:
EveryoneÕs heard exactly what itÕs all
about, Myrrhini! IÕm not impressed with you, at all!
Myrrhini:
But it took me ages to find my knickers in
the dark, Lysistrata. Anyway,
whatÕs up? WhatÕs
going on? Tell us, now that weÕre all here.
Lysistrata:
No, not yet. LetÕs wait a little longer for the Boetian and Spartan women
to arrive.
Myrrhini:
TrueÉ she
looks around impatiently untilÉ ah, hereÕs
Lampito!
Lysistrata:
Rushes over to Lampito and, impressed by her
body, begins to fondle her body
excitedly,
lasciviously.
Hello Lampito! Oh! Oh, my darling Spartan!
How positively fructiferous is your beauty. What a
colour what a vigorous, horny body! Darling, I think you could strangle a
bull with this body!
Lampito:
Yeah, I think I could, too. I exercise
regularly. I mean very regularly
and I go through every bit
of me, every bit of me - including my
bumhole!
Lysistrata:
Mmm! Your titties, too!
Lampito:
Hey! Why are you groping me like thatÉ
like some sacrificial cow?
Lysistrata stops
the groping and turns her attention to the new woman on the stage
Lysistrata:
Ah! And this one? Who is this young beauty, then?
Lampito:
ThatÕs the delegate sent to you from
Boetia. By the name of Ismenia.
Lysistrata: Prodding
similarly
Boetia, yes! Points at IsmeniaÕs pudendum. Boetia of the beautiful meadows! How lovely your
meadow looks!
Caloniki:
Yea, with elegant little itchy-bitchy
curly whirly penny royals growing so neatly and tightly all
around that lovely meadow!
Enter
Corinthian whore.
Lysistrata:
And this other child?
90
Lampito:
Ah, yes! Now, that there, thatÕs pure Corinthian whore meat, that
one! The real stuff!
All others whisper excitedly the words,
ÒwhoreÓ, Òfrom CorinthÓ and ÒCorinth has the best
whores!Ó
Lysistrata:
Mmmm, yes, pure, indeed! Both front and back!
Lampito:
So, then! WhoÕs gathered this fleet of flesh here?
Lysistrata:
I did.
Lampito:
Aha?
Why? Name your passion,
girl!
Myrrhini:
Yes, darling, tell us whatÕs so important.
Lysistrata:
I will, I will, but first: let me ask you
all one question.
Myrrhini:
Ask away.
100
Lysistrata:
Tell me, please, all of you: Do you not miss your husbandÕs
pricks? Your sonsÕ father? I mean
while heÕs away at war? I know very well
that all of you have your husband away at the moment.
Not one of them is here with you. IsnÕt
that so?
Caloniki:
Mine, in fact, the poor bugger, has been
in Thrace for the last five months.
Guarding that idiot of
a general, Eucrates.
Myrrhini:
And mine, seven months at Pylos.
Lampito:
And if mine ever manages to steal away for
a quickie, they rush over, nab him by the handle and
quickly whisk him away back to the front!
Lysistrata:
And so, girls, when fucking time comesÉ
not the faintest whiff of it anywhere, right?
From the time those Milesians betrayed us,
we canÕt even find our eight-fingered leather
dildos. At least theyÕd serve as a sort of
flesh-replacement for our poor cuntsÉ
So, then! Would you like me to find some
mechanism by which we could end this war?
Myrrhini:
If this were truly possible, Lysistrata,
darling, IÕd start the celebratory drinks right now.
Even if it meant IÕd have to sell this
gown to buy the wine.
Caloniki:
Me too! Even if... even if IÕm torn in two
like a fish on the grill and have half of me
thrown away!
Lampito:
And me... IÕd climb all the way up to the
tip of Taygetus to be able to see our beloved
Peace.
Lysistrata:
Well, in that case, IÕll tell you now what
IÕve discovered because I donÕt think I can hide it
any longer. Now! If we women really want
our men to make peace, then we mustÉ abstain!
Myrrhini:
Huh? From what? Please explain?
Lysistrata: Still reluctant to make the revelation
UmmmmÉ From somethingÉ Will you do it?
Myrrhini:
Sure! Even if it means our death, but what
do we have to do?
124
Lysistrata:
We will go on strike! We shall all abstain
from cocks! Triumphant No more
cock!
Distressed
as she sees that the others donÕt agree. Corinthian whore begins to cry -itÕs
her living.
Hey,
whatÕs up? Where are you off
to? WhatÕs with the frowns and sad
looks? How pale you all
look suddenly! WhatÕs with the tears? Will you do as we said?
Talk to me! WhatÕs your decision?
Myrrhini:
Me?
I canÕt do it, Lysistrata.
Not me. I... Let the war drag on!
Caloniki:
Yea, me too, Lysistrata. Let the war continue.
Lysistrata:
You, Caloniki! You were just talking about
being a fish cut in two, half of it tossed away!
130
Caloniki:
Anything else, Lysistrata. WeÕll do anything else you want us to do
butÉ well, better in the fire than out of the bed. Better with the fire than
without the cock! That can never
do, darling!
Lysistrata:
And you, Lampito? What do you say?
Lampito:
Better in the fire than out of the bed.
Lysistrata:
What a lot of bum-torn sluts each and
every single one of our sex is! The tragedians are right
about us then! Screwing above all else! No
regard for the consequences!
Turns
to Lampito, imploring her.
But you, my darling Spartan, you and I,
Lampito, just the two of us could still save the matter.
Come on, vote with me!
Lampito: Thinks deeply, paces back and forth,
agonises over the question.
ItÕs true, damn it. ItÕs a harsh and difficult thing for a
woman to go to sleep, alone.
Without a prick, I mean. YetÉ yetÉ yet, we must! We must have peace!
Lysistrata: Exuberant
Oh, true Spartan! YouÕre the only real
woman here!
Caloniki:
But if we did go on strike, if -God
forbid!- if we did do as you saidÉ will this really give us
Peace?
Lysistrata:
Absolutely! Look! All we have to do is we simply stay indoors, put our
luscious make-up on,
naked beneath our flimsy little blouses,
our curlies thoroughly coiffured and plucked and we just
sit and wait for our man. Soldier-hubby
comes in, sees us and immediately stands at attention!
Solid, stiff and horny!
HeÕs torn to shreds with lust. But we move
back! We simply donÕt go to bed with him. I can
assure you, darlings, Peace will be signed
before you can say, Òcome again?Ó
Lampito:
Just like Menelaos and Helen. Helen flashes her tits at him once and
our boy throws his sword away for ever!
Ha, ha, ha! He was going to
kill her only a second before that - for what sheÕd done to Greece!
Caloniki:
But what if the men go on strike, too and
we get horny instead?
Lysistrata:
Well, then darlings, we are all well
acquainted with Pherecrates, for goodnessÕ sake, arenÕt
we? We do as he did: beat the beaten bitch, in other
words, wank!
Caloniki:
Nah! Mimicking others is crap... What if
they drag us into the bedroom?
Lysistrata:
Take a tight grip of your flaps, darling!
Caloniki:
What if they beat us then?
Lysistrata:
Well... all right, we give in to them,
then but we make it hard for them
dears: we cross our legs or
something, because itÕs no fun for them if
they have to work hard for it.
TheyÕll quickly give up.
A man just wonÕt enjoy himself if the
woman wonÕt help in the process.
Myrrhini:
Right! Well, then. If
you two agree, then we agree
also. We are with you Lysistrata!
168
Lampito:
Yes! All right then. But we, Spartan women, we will be able
to do this, to persuade our husbands
to bring about a good and honourable peace
straight away; but what about all
these war-ongering
Athenian pricks? WhoÕll straighten them out?
Lysistrata:
DonÕt you worry about them, Lampito,
darling, weÕll see to them!
Lampito:
Not very likely. Not while theyÕve got all
those ships in the sea and all that loot locked up in there
indicating
the Acropolis Inside the temple of Athena!
Lysistrata:
Nah! WeÕve thought of that, too,
Lampito. No problem. Today, weÕll take over the
Acropolis!
While weÕre all here getting all this prick-protest
organised, the older women will be going up
there, under the pretence of conducting
rituals and sacrifices and, as soon as they get inside, theyÕll seize the
place! Take it over!
A
Skythian policewoman, armed to the teeth (helmet, bow,
arrows, shield, sword, knife) is
walking by. She sees the group in
a tightly knit gathering and stops to examine suspiciously.
180
Lampito:
Oh, ho! Well then! ThatÕs great! A very
well thought-out plan, Lysistrata!
Very thorough,
indeed! Well done, girl!
Lysistrata:
Thank you, Lampito. Right, then! Now
quickly, letÕs take a good, strong, inexorable,
unbreakable, no-loopholes oath!
Lampito:
Give us the words and deeds and weÕll do
it, Lysistrata!
Lysistrata:
Good, now...
Sees
the Skythian policewoman
Hey, you! Cop woman! Yes, you! What are you leering at? Bring me that shield of yours here!
The
policewoman obeys dumbly
Put it right here! Now turn it upside down.
The
policewoman obeys again
Now, someone bring me some entrails!
The
policewoman likes all this and
from now on becomes one with the group
Caloniki:
Entrails? Entrails, Lysistrata? What sort of an oath do you want us to
take, for goodnessÕ sake?
Lysistrata:
What sort? The sort you perform upon a
shield, like the one Aischylus mentions somewhere, you
know... where the soldiers kill a sheep and...
Caloniki: Interrupts
Lysistrata! We canÕt swear an oath for
Peace by spilling blood on a shield!
Lysistrata:
Well? What sort of an oath do you all want, then?
Caloniki:
I know! LetÕs grab a white horse from somewhere, kill it and get its
sacred little bits! The
horseyÕs bits, I mean. HowÕs that?
Lysistrata:
SheÕs shocked
What white horse, Caloniki? What little bits? WhatÕs in that head of yours?
Caloniki:
Well what do we swear upon then?
Myrrhini:
IÕll
tell you what I think, if you like: LetÕs sacrifice a wine jug, instead.
Get a huge black cup, put
it on the ground here, then get a jug of
that lovely wine from Thasos, break it open and swear to
the cup thatÉ that we wonÕt pollute it by
adding water to it!
Lampito:
Yes!
Now thatÕs what I call an impressive oath!
Lysistrata:
So, letÕs bring the bowl and the wine skin
then!
The
Skythian archer runs off enthusiastically and a moment later returns with the
bowl and wine jug. Lysistrata, impressed at the SkythianÕs speed, efficiency
and willingness to join her rebellious group, smiles at her, takes the jug and
lifts it in the air. Caloniki lifts the bowl admiringly.
200
Caloniki:
Ooooh! My darlings, look! What a lovely bowl! One gets horny just
by touching it!
Lysistrata:
Caloniki! Now place the bowl down and all
of you hold my jug! They all obey.
Goddess Persuasion, and you, too, bowl,
accept this, our offering with grace.
She
pours the wine into the bowl.
Caloniki:
What sparkling blood! And how well it decants!
Lampito:
And how sweet is its aroma!
Myrrhini:
Let me be the first to take the oath!
Caloniki:
Jealous
No! Not unless we draw a lot and your name
is drawn first!
Lysistrata:
Lampito, and the rest of you, too. All together: Repeat after me:
ThereÕs no prick, loverÕs or husbandÕsÉ
Together:
ThereÕs no prick, loverÕs or husbandÕs...
Lysistrata:
That will approach me erect...
Together:
That will approach me erect...
Caloniki hesitates
Lysistrata:
Caloniki, speak!
Caloniki:
Damn it, Lysistrata, my knees are
wobbly! ÒThat will approach me
erect...Ó
Lysistrata:
Shut in at home, IÕll live prickless and
chaste...
Together:
Shut in at home, IÕll live prickless and
chaste...
Lysistrata:
And IÕll be dressed seductively and be
beautifully made...
220
Together:
And IÕll be dressed seductively and be
beautifully made...
Lysistrata:
So as to set afire my manÕs desire...
Together:
So as to set afire my manÕs desire...
Lysistrata:
And let him not fuck me with my consent...
Together:
And let him not fuck me with my consent...
Lysistrata:
But if the prick forces itself upon me...
Together:
But if the prick forces itself upon me...
Lysistrata:
I will not reach orgasm... at the same
time as it does...
Together:
I will not reach orgasm... at the same
time as it does...
Lysistrata:
I will not have my slippers raised to the
ceiling...
230
Together:
I will not have my slippers raised to the
ceiling...
Lysistrata:
Nor will I, like a whore, take up for him
the position of the lioness-on-a-cheese-grater...
All
the women except the Corinthian Whore look at each other bemused. TheyÕve no
idea what Lysistrata means by the last oath. The Corinthian Whore nods and
smiles knowingly.
Together:
Nor will I, like a whore, take up for him
the position of the lioness-on-a-cheese-grater...
Lysistrata:
And so, to bind all this together, we
hereby drink this wine...
Together:
And so, to bind all this together, we
hereby drink this wine...
Lysistrata:
And if I break this solemn oath may the
wine I drink turn to water...
Together:
And if I break this solemn oath may the
wine I drink turn to water...
Lysistrata:
Have you all sworn with me?
Together:
We sure have!
Lysistrata:
Now bring me the cup that I may sanctify
it.
Caloniki:
Give me some too, so that the oath will
bind us all well and tight.
Shouting
and commotion behind the walls.
Lampito:
WhatÕs all the noise?
240
Lysistrata:
Aha! Just like I said. Our older women
have seized the Acropolis. Quickly
now, Lampito, you
head off towards accomplishing your end of
the bargain. Go to Sparta, quickly... but leave these
friends of yours here with us, as
goodwill. The rest of us will go over to the Acropolis and toss
the bars over the gates.
Caloniki:
But donÕt you think the men will band
together and rush us?
Lysistrata:
IÕm not worried about that one little bit,
Caloniki. Even if they threaten us with fire and even if
they manage to open the gates, so
what? WeÕll do as weÕve just
sworn, right?
Caloniki:
Right! Of course. Yes! Otherwise weÕll
remain for ever as we always were: cowards and whores
to them all!
Exit
all into the acropolis.
A
group of twelve men walks in from
SL (stage left will henceforth be Òtheir territory.Ó It is where they will be retreating to
when business asks for a retreat.)
They
all wear a surfeit of clothes which they take off one at a time at various
instances for
comedic
effect.
Drakis,
its leader, is negotiating his grip on a long branch on his shoulders and a
fire-making pot
of
sorts which makes much smoke.
Between them all they are carrying wood of some sort or
other,
branches, kindling, etc, as well as crow bars, ramming rods and such like
implements
that may be useful for breaking and entering.
Drakis
is walking just a little ahead of the others and, like the others, is irritated
by coughing fits
brought
about by the smoke.
250
Drakis:
Talking to himself
Go on, my poor boy! Go on Drakis! Even if
your shoulder is breaking under the strain of this
huge, damp olive log! Go on, my boy!
Cough, cough!
Philourgos: To
Strynidoros
Long life brings you so many surprises,
hey? Things, my good Strynidoros, which I have never
hoped to see or hear.
Women! Women, whom we husbanded, whom we nourished and maintained
and who have
caused us so much fuss!
Strynidoros:
So much fuss!
Philourgos:
Now theyÕve gone and taken over the
Acropolis. Stolen the sacred statue of our protector, Athena
and theyÕve driven bars and padlocks into
her gates!
Strynidoros:
LetÕs move as fast as we can,
Philourgos. Come on, letÕs place
these branches all around...
Philourgos:
LetÕs teach them a lesson...
Drakis:
LetÕs light a high flame...
Philourgos:
Fry the lot of Ôem...
Phadrias:
First, among them all, LycosÕ wife,
Rhodia! Haha! A bastard of a politician deserves a... slut of a wife!
Philourgos: Sarcastically
Éa slut of a wife! Cough, cough! A faithful
slut! Slut to the end! Hahaha!
Strynidoros:
By Demeter, no one will dare laugh at us
while weÕre aliveÉ
Drakis: Stops,
turns and talks to the others, laughing
Remember old Cleomenes, boys?
Strynidoros:
Ah, yes, Drakis! ThatÕs right! He tried
this little trick once, too, didnÕt he?
Philourgos:
Even he didnÕt escape unpunished.
275
Drakis:
Shat himself and had to surrender his arms
to me!
Phadrias:
True Spartan, though. Ran off without a
shirt on his back. Unwashed for
six years, unshaven...
Strynidoros:
Stank to high Heaven, hey Phadrias?
Hahaha! Cough, cough!
Drakis:
Hehehehe! This is how we surrounded the
city, men!
Phadrias:
But he was besieged by seventeen men,
Drakis. Totally surrounded!
Philourgos:
They spent the whole night at the gates.
Drakis: Pointing
at the Acropolis
So that these here god-hated women...
Phadrias:
Hated by God and by Euripides, by God!
Drakis: With
contempt
Bah!
These women are nothing to us, hey men? Cough, cough! Nothing!
285
Philourgos:
Our Victory will shine throughout Athens,
our four-headed city!
Drakis: Takes up his equipment again. HeÕs visibly struggling.
Just a little way left now and weÕre
there, Drakis, my good man!
Phadrias:
And weÕre doing all this without even a
donkey, hey, Strynidoros? On our own bare backs!
Strynidoros:
Ouch! Damned logs! Two of them have gone
and lodged themselves right into my bones... ah,
well, what can one do, Phadrias? Adjusts himself
Phadrias:
We must go on, go on, go on! Walk up the
hill, walk up the hill, walk on, walk on, walk onÉ
Drakis:
Éand blow hard at the fire He
blows into the fire pot. The smoke proliferates. Phoo, phoo!
295
Philourgos:
What smoke! By mighty Hercules, what sooty
dread!
Drakis:
What... ouch! Arghhhhhh! What horror -cough, cough- was it that
jumped out of there and, like a
bitch-on-heat tore at my eyeballs?
Philourgos:
Like the Volcano of Lemnos, hey, Drakis? This
machine smokes and smokes... cough, cough!
Drakis:
...and scorched and filled my eyes with
gunk.
Phadrias:
You men go on ahead of me to the
city! Run to the aid of
Athena! Phoo, phoo! What smoke,
what horror!
306
Philourgos: TheyÕve now reached SR
ItÕs up to Heaven now, whether the fire
burns or not. LetÕs leave
the wood here and light up
new, leafless vines.
Phadrias:
Then, all of us together, weÕll charge at
the gates, hey?
Drakis:
And if the women wonÕt pull back the
bolts, then, weÕll set them all on
fire!
Phadrias:
Phoo, phoo, cough, cough! There! I think now weÕre winning!
Strynidoros:
Put down the wood. Cough, splatter,
choke... The smoke will kill us!
Drakis:
Ah,
for a Samian general to take this wood from my hands!
Phadrias:
There, IÕm putting mine down here. TheyÕve
bust my balls.
Drakis:
Talking to the pot
ItÕs up to you now, little potsy. Light this coal and start the
fire! Go on!
Phadrias:
Raises his hands in prayer
Help us Glorious Victory, come, stand
beside us and drive your triumph right up into those cocky
women!
They leave the pot down and retreat
quietly to their territory, occupying themselves with various
preparations. They do not notice
the women when they enter the stage later. A small pause before we hear the shouting of women off
stage. When they appear from the
opposite side we see that itÕs a group,
similar in number, age and disposition as the old men. They will form the second warring party
and SR will be Òtheir territory.Ó Their
leader is Stratyllis. They are
carrying buckets, urns, jugs and pitchers of all sorts, filled with water.
TheyÕve noticed the smoke and are walking through it but theyÕve not seen the
men yet.
Stratyllis:
Off stage
Come quickly, girls! All this smoke must mean that thereÕs a
lot of fire! Run Niki, run, or
youÕll burn dear. You, too, Kali, run or youÕll burn,
sweetie! Kryti, darling! YouÕre
surrounded
by smoke, dear and so is everything else
around here! Hateful men! WeÕll lose everything with
their stupid laws!
Enter
women (SR. Their territory). They
carry clubs, sticks, brooms and all sorts of other
makeshift
weapons, as well as buckets full of water.
Krytilli: To
Stratyllis
I was at the taps very early this morning,
Stratyllis, before dawn, even, trying to fill my pitcher
with water and help save these poor
friends of ours in there but - God, I hope IÕm not too late for
that! All that commotion and fuss and traffic I had to put up
with! Every slave in town was
jostling me about. I heard that some old men - must be
wankers the lot of them -were carting
sticks and logs around here, threatening to
set us on fire, turn us all into charcoal, they said!
Dear God, I hope I never get to see my
sisters burn like kindling by these bastards.
340
Kallyki:
Yes, letÕs save them all from the horror
of war!
Krytilli:
LetÕs save Greece and all her people, my
dear goddess, Athena, goddess of the golden helmet!
Stratyllis: She is walking on into the menÕs territory,
still without noticing them.
Oh, Athena, thrice-born! WeÕve surrounded
your home and ask you to be our ally!
Nikothiki:
God, please give no time to these bastards
to build a proper fire. Help us
with our water carrying!
Stratyllis
suddenly finds herself inside DrakiÕs arms. He frightens her and grabs her by the dress.
She
runs back towards her friends, screaming. The dress is torn from her.
The
rest of the men now come into focus also.
Stratyllis:
Let me go, you old wanker! Help, help!
350
Kallyki:
What is all this? YouÉ you evil bastards!
What are you up to, hey? You must
be the real nasty type if all this smoke is your doing!
Other
women come to StratyllisÕ aid and
help her escape. They then turn
ferociously upon
Drakis,
pelting him with all their weapons.
Drakis:
Enough! Oh, no! God
help us! Looks around him and is terrified at the sight of all the women
Ach! Now IÕve seen everything! A whole paddock of them! A whole herd of them! TheyÕre all
gathered around the gates. Stuttering with fear. And whaaaaat are
you all doing here, then, hey?
He
goes and picks up a lighted piece of wood and waves it about threateningly but
he is still petrified.
Stratyllis:
Ha! Shitting yourself with fear, are
you? Indicating her friends What, you mean this little lot?
This is nothing. This is just a tiny
number of us out here. You should
see the rest of us!
Drakis: Outraged
Hey, Phadrias, are we going to let these
old weather-beaten shags cackle like this for ever?
ShouldnÕt we break a rod across their
back?
Stratyllis:
Girls, put your buckets down and get ready
for them - and if they dare raise a hand!
360
Phadrias:
Just a couple of slaps about the face
would do it, I should think, Drakis. That should shut them
up.
The sort of slaps our famous sculptor, Voupalos, copped. Hahaha! Imitating Boof, boof!
Stratyllis:
Steps between them
Oh yea? Well, here you are! Do it! Go on, do it!
Offers
her face for the slapping.
HereÕs my face. Just try it! Come on!
Phadrias
approaches tentatively.
Booh!
Phadrias
withdraws frightened
You do boy, and youÕll get to know what it
would feel like if some wild dogs took a liking to
your ballsÉ and ripped them right off and
right out of your crotch! Go
on, try!
Phadrias: Phadrias withdraws further
If you donÕt shut up, you old hag, IÕllÉ
IÕllÉ IÕll rip your guts out!
Kallyki::
Oh, yeah? You just raise one finger
against our Strato here andÉ
Phadrias:
One finger? One finger! Oh, I am soooooo scared now! IÕll raise a full
fist of them against the
silly, old bitch!
Krytilli:
IÕll tear your guts AND your lungs out -
with my own teeth!
Strynidoros: Looking for support from his group
ThereÕs no wiser man -or poet- than
Euripides, hey men? And he was
right, too, when he said, ÒThereÕs no creature so vulgar as a woman.Ó
370
Stratyllis:
Rhodippi, dear, pick up your jug again and
get ready.
Strynidoros:
Yea, andÉ andÉ why did youÉ youÉ
God-cursed creature, why did you bring all this water
here, hey?
Stratyllis:
And you, you old bum-beater, why did you
bring all this fire here, hey? To
roast yourselves? Hahahaha!
Phadrias:
No, to build a nice little pyre for you
and your friends.
Stratyllis:
And we, weÕll quench this fire of yours
with our water.
Drakis: