Here is a heckle I have been working on for the SMH Heckle column.

As a cyclist I am heckled all the time. The main offenders are usually young male passengers in restored Geminis. They poke their heads out the window and yell "Gedofftheroadyamug". How original. Their dads probably taught them. Other heckles come from my family members who delight in taking the mickey when I appear in my lycra cycling gear. OK, so I could lose a few pounds. Cycling is supposed to make you thinner, but I find it mostly makes me hungry. Besides, I like dressing up - straight people dont have many other alternatives.

Even the the Minister of Transport got in a good heckle recently, in an article in the Herald. He was quoted as saying cyclists should not use the roads and if they did it was "at their own risk". With backing like this the RTA "Share the Road" campaign is looking a little sick. And just whose risk does he think most road users operate under anyway? He is a cyclist himself, but apparently thinks his roads are too unsafe for cycling on. I am amazed at the number of police and traffic engineers I meet who also believe the roads are too unsafe for cycling - as if theycouldn't do anything about it.

The Herald regularly publishes letters on cycling (and I hope they continue this fine tradition), but often as not the letters are patronising or uninformed. The cruellest letter was one in August 2002, likening cyclists to canetoads. Even worse, the Herald didnt publish any of the irate letters I and many others sent in reply.

Shock jocks on the radio have been heard to encourage motorists to harrass cyclists. I am tired of being heckled and tooted and worse so here is a heckle back, for all those motorists who think cyclists are a menace or a nuisance or should be off the road (perhaps in a car like them- now there is a worry). Are we that big a problem that some motorists take it into their own hands to intimidate cyclists or even to deliberately swerve to hit or run over, as we have seen recently in a number of sickening incidents?

The average motorist, or cager, as we cyclists call them (short for metal cage), drives around in something far too big, noisy and polluting for the task at hand, such as picking up the milk, or delivering young Sarah to school in the 4wd, all the time complaining about the traffic congestion or there never being anywhere to park their 5 metres of steel and plastic. Do the sums! 100 parked cars takes up the best part of a kilometre, once you allow for the odd driveway, tree and council flower bed. Roads and car parks and garages etc take up more than 30% of the land area of the City. Ridiculous. More amusing than anything are the howls about the price of petrol. Don't they know its a scarce resource and there is no way it is going to get cheaper from now on - barring government pork barrelling of the worst kind, (with bi-partisan support of course). I get about 50 km to a plate of weet-bix.

Less than amusing, but easily dealt with, are motorists who claim cyclists should not be allowed on the roads because they dont pay any taxes and are always breaking the road rules. We _do_ pay taxes, most adult cyclists actually own cars and pay rego and council and other taxes. Besides paying rego does not give anyone the right to use ourroads, they are open to all as a basic common law right. As for rule breaking, havent they heard of the estimated 100,000 unregistered drivers in NSW (Insurance Council figures) or the thousands of motorists booked for driving under the influence or speeding, or noticed the huge number of red light runners, illegal parkers and dangerous drivers who dont get caught. Motorist, heal thyself! Claims that cycling is dangerous are rubbish: the figures show that on a time basis cycling is about as safe as driving, and that for young males it is actually safer than car travel. Cars kill or injure many thousands each year and the road trauma bill is around $5 billion Australia wide- but cyclists are ten or more times less likely to kill other roadusers than are motorists. Cars clog up the roads around schools and shopping centres, preventing healthy and sustainable transport options like walking and cycling by children and the elderly, or everyone really. Based on the health benefits of cycling, many doctors now say it is not safe not to cycle. The benefits outweigh the risks. There is no need to dwell on the other drawbacks of motoring - the airand ground pollution, the noise, the greenhouse problem, the vanishing oil reserves, except to say that cycling offers a low cost (partial, Iadmit, you cant do everything on a bike) solution to all those problems.

Just why does cycling not get the support here in Australia that it increasingly does in the rest of the world? Even in the US some 10% of Federal road funds are now being mandatorily spent on providing for cyclists and pedestrians, and programs to encourage bicycle use are being funded out of taxes on energy. Our Federal Minister of Transport released a National Bicycling Strategy in 1999 then promptly forgot about it - no funding for any of the initiatives. The next time you see a humble cyclist on the road treat him or her as hero rather than as a nuisance - a brave pioneer, or at least a carrier-on of the fine tradition of cycling, which started before the motor car was invented, and which will probably still be around when the wheels fall of the automobile industry.And give it a try yourself - the more people cycling the safer it becomes and even the Minister might give his roads a go.